Quoted in Robert Sapolsky's book "Why Zebra don't get ulcers" on stress (highly recommended).
It's a nice quote because it is a bit more interesting than common popular wisdom that exists across humanity and in all religions simply telling you : "Accept what you cannot change"
That is often elided even more by "Accept your situation" or even "Obey" providing great convenience to the powers that be.
My issue with AA is that people can seek attention by relapsing. Going cold turkey and never drinking again is the simple solution and it doesn't require all the drama.
This is actually dangerous advice for a lot of forms of addiction... You MUSTN'T quit certain substances cold turkey, especially after prolonged abuse, because the intake of them are part of the body's homeostasis.
It's also very inconsiderate... Addiction generally has much deeper roots than just "craving the high" since it can be maladaptive coping mechanisms people develop due to traumatic childhoods (or later life, but less likely). Eg, substance abuse/addiction is commonly found in people who suffer from CPTSD.
The high isn't "I'm having the time of my life" for these people, but a a way to disconnect and silence their brain demons.
Also, a lot of people don't know they were abused or neglected as children (becaus it's "their normal") and then go through life as struggling with all sorts of internalised shit.
Edit: Also a very important thing I want to put out there: if anyone struggling with addition reads this, addiction isn't something to be ashamed of or to put yourself down over. It might not be your fault. But most addictions are maladaptive, and the sooner resolved the more you will get out of life. Don't be ashamed of yourself, and don't hate yourself for it
You are reading a lot more into my comment that isn't there. I am specifically talking about alcohol as the comment is about AA. AA generally recommends stopping cold turkey, so you are also contradicting AA.
I was an alcoholic and now I am not. I don't think it is easy but it is relatively simple. A lot of stuff that is glommed onto recovery from alcoholism obscures the fact that you have to stop using the drug, that is fundamental. Anything that unintentionally encourages relapse is not useful.
For many drinkers, suddenly stopping can be life threatening, causing seizures and convulsions.
I also stopped drinking, effectively cold turkey - but I wasn't a very heavy drinker, just a habitual one. However, I rejected AA as far too prescriptive in its approach.
For anyone reading this who is considering quitting alcohol I recommend r/stopdrinking on reddit, which is an incredibly friendly and supportive place where people practice and discuss a variety of methods.
For some heavy and consistent drinkers, they should check themselves into a hospital or clinic when they quit. But the vast majority of alcoholics will not develop delerium tremens when they quit. I personally worried about DT when I was drinking a six pack per day and used it as an excuse to never miss a day of drinking. I am probably not alone in my neurosis so telling people that they are likely to develop severe alcohol withdrawal is probably not a good way to help them to quit.
Surmounting all of this is very much like a lot of difficult tasks - often made more difficult by well-meaning people who want to point out all the difficulties you hadn't considered yet. What we need is more resources like: do you drink this much? Go to this clinic when you quit. Worried? Then quit sooner rather than later when you are drinking even more.
I think I agree with your intent and sentiment, and you're definitely right that people make excuses when it comes to quitting (and relapsing).
But IMO more often than not, we should't be flippant or dismissive about the excuses (for relapses or for continuing to use).
For some people, maladaptive coping—and all its consequences—is a cheap price to pay compared to facing a sober existence when unequipped to deal with it.
So even if they quit cold-turkey (or just quit), they won't necessarily improve their quality of life because they don't know why they got into addiction in the first place. However, going to support groups can help meet people. Those who struggle with similar root causes of their addiction tend to cluster as well, and that can (indirectly, and with a bit of luck) help identify root causes. That was what happened with me, and I'm forever grateful to support groups.
In my case I was an adult child of narcissistic parents (ACoNs)[1] and I struggled with C-PTSD[2] all my life (I self-misdiagnosed myself many times with depression, autism, younameit) and I'll live with it forever. In a twisted and perverse way, I think drug abuse and addiction—with all the indirect suffering they caused—also saved my life. If it weren't for drugs, literally wouldn't have had any coping mechanism whatsoever. So, in cases like mine quitting cold-turkey means that the withdrawal symptoms just compounded compounded with our emotional dysregulation.
Also I want to finish with this: I am really glad you managed to turn your life around and quit using. I'm happy that you took steps to improve your life, and as cheesy as it sounds: I'm proud of you! Thank you for sharing your story; I know talking about these things isn't easy.
Simple isn't easy. Losing weight is simple, just eat less than what your caloric expenditure per day is. It's still hard as fuck and just telling someone who has issues with eating "just eat less, it's simple" is not helpful at all.
Going cold turkey and never doing X is the simple solution for any addiction, now get addicted to anything and try that out...
I agree it is not easy, but for me it is better to approach it simply. It may be that the best way to eat less for an individual is to fast, or to eat five small meals, or whatever program they use. But advising people that it is next to impossible has never worked.
I have been addicted to cigarettes and alcohol. Going cold turkey is essential for getting over the addictions. Never doing them again makes relapse unlikely. These are simple facts. AA says you can't really achieve independence you have to replace it with meetings and prayer. I say you can get over it. And I have experience with people who go back and forth to AA relapsing, and so how will they ever get free?
Coming at this as both someone who’s addicted to tobacco and has ADHD, I’ve spent a good chunk of my life having people naively (at best) or condescendingly (at worst) tell me things like:
- you just need to quit cold turkey, how hard can it possibly be to not do something?
- have you tried focusing?
- you should try making todo lists!
- if you would just sit still and listen, you could do better on your homework!
While I do agree that the parent wasn’t the most polite, comments like yours definitely fall somewhere in the naive-condescending spectrum and I read the parent’s comment as trying to figure which end of that spectrum it came from.
I agree with you that telling people to do things that do not work for them is not helpful. However, there is no substance you can stop taking to cure your ADHD.
Any advice for an alcoholic that does not include "stop drinking" is not good advice. Every alcohol-related problem stems from the alcohol. It may not be everything needed for their recovery, but it has to be the basis. AA at least gets this right. However, AA paints a picture of addicts as people who are unable to ever get this aspect of their life under control. Unlike non-drinkers, AA alcoholics are always fighting the demon Alcohol. The organization does not believe in full recovery. Sometimes I have read a no-true-Scotsman formulation which says that if you can survive sober without AA, then you were not really an alcoholic. How is this helpful?
I think the proof is really in the pudding. AA has a lot of former members who still do not drink. These are people who quit drinking and eventually found the meetings unhelpful.
I live without fear of relapse. This is because I know that I will never "need" alcohol again.
To address the other side of what you are talking about, I hope that one day I will be able to live properly with ADHD. As of yet, we have not found an approach that generally works. Stimulants are helpful but they are a band-aid on the problem and have side effects. Behavioral therapy is helpful, too, albeit a bit mild in effect. I hope that when a good approach is developed, I will have the sense to try it.
It is a rather controversial statement. I have more consideration for a controversial statement from somebody who knows what he is talking about (and provide arguments/anecdote) than from someone making a moral judgment. It was rather a challenge to your statement with a conditional diss to force you two elaborate.
That's like the simple solution for depression: think happy thoughts. Addiction rewires your brain so that simply stopping is a very heavy lift. Not impossible, but relapses are common and there's usually drama, AA or no.
AA, in particular the serenity prayer, has at least some overlap with the more tech friendly pursuit of Stoic philosophy.
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”